What's New- January 2016

Hey everyone! IT. HAS. BEEN. SO. LONG. I am extremely sorry for my lack of a blog post anywhere since this fall. Things started going slightly downhill for me as soon as Cruiser got sick. My last post was on September 17, and Cruiser passed away on October 1. When he left (even though I knew it was coming) my entire world shattered. When you get an animal (especially one as big as a horse) at an age as young as I was when I got Cruiser, you think that they are invincible and will be around forever. Cruiser's illness came at a complete surprise and progressed very quickly. It triggered so many memories for me: summers at my old barn with the gravel driveway and the beautiful track and outdoor arena- I can still smell the freshly cut summer grass and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin as Cruiser and I cantered down the long side of the track. Days were free of worry and stress of school, what other people thought, and finding a job. I was able to go to horse shows I wanted because I was so young and times were easier financially. So many childhood memories were brought back, which brought along lots of anxiety because I frequently found myself comparing my life to when I was a kid (sounds weird, but it happened). But as a kid, there is no stress at all, no worries about what so-and-so thinks of you and if you don't get an A on a certain test, your grade will drop. Things were so carefree, and Cruiser leaving reminded me that I was just stuck where I was: miserable, anxious, and constantly stressed out. He was the last animal that my mom and I had, one with such a funny and stand out personality, who loved licking Starbucks drinks out of my hand and always posed for pictures because he knew there was an iPhone in his face and knew exactly when I was sad. I think that I lost a part of me when he left.

Along with Cruiser passing away, school was brutal this past semester. I enrolled in a very difficult combination of classes with some difficult teachers and LOTS of writing, so whenever I had free time, the last thing I wanted to do was write (as bad as it sounds). I felt myself withdrawing from my sorority and had many bad nights, and I honestly think it took coming home for winter break to make myself feel better again. I had also broken my toe in the fall by stubbing it (who does that except for me) so I was unable to run until the very end of the semester, something that helps relax me and make me feel better. With that, Cruiser being gone, and a super stressful class load, I was in much need of a break. It really took being home for a full month being surrounded by my best friends and mom, trying to get back on track. I've learned that I can't fight the present, and I have to surrender to what is. I think I get anxious because I compare my life to what it used to be, even though in reality I wouldn't want to be that young again. Whenever I start worrying about the future (will I be able to go to a horse show again? What if I can't handle my class load at school?) I simply take a deep breath and remind myself to surrender to what is now and what will be. I want to go with the flow and let life unfold in front of me as it should. I have also started writing in my journal again which has helped me tremendously. So with all being said, I'm back to blogging (kind of). I don't want to make any promises to blog every week, because I know this semester will be super busy too with sorority events and finishing up school, but one of my goals in 2016 is to write more so I know you all will hear from me more frequently than before! More posts to come, I hope you all had a wonderful start to the new year! :)

     Grace <3